Begging for writing assistance on my Etsy About page

[sunsetpainter]

Let me be blunt...I stink at writing.  I'm a list maker (Just the facts, ma'am) and have trouble writing paragraphs, especially about myself.

I'm trying to work on my Etsy "About" page and make it sound interesting.  My feelings are, "I make stuff, please buy it" but I don't think that would cut it.  Below is what I wrote, but could really use help in punching it up.
TIA!!


I am a born and bred Hoosier who loves to make things. My hands really need to be busy with something or another. When I was 6 years old, my grandmother gave me a crochet hook and some yarn. I learned to do a single crochet stitch and made an entire scarf in one evening. I have since branched out into other yarns and threads. My attention to detail makes thread crochet perfect for me. I have since taught myself to knit.

My true love is painting. I started out in oils and have branched off into watercolors. My favorite paintings are birds done in oils, but I like flowers best in watercolors.

I have recently started making jewelry. I enjoy the way the wire bends and shapes into a beautiful necklace or a pair of earrings. And the colorful beads just enhance them.

I hope you enjoy browsing my shop. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have, or just to leave a comment or suggestion.

[Pantlandia]

Honestly, I would use it how you wrote it. I don't think I could improve it any better than it already is.

[val2525]

I like what you wrote!

[sunsetpainter]

Thank you. I was looking at some other people's pages, and they have TONS of stuff. I just try to keep things simple. That's why I have so much trouble with the "tags" over there.

[RetroMonde]

That looks just fine the way you wrote it. You can always add or edit it later if you think of something else you want to say.

[chapeaunoir]

I think it's fine - just for clarity's sake - maybe change up a sentence:

My true love is painting. I started out in oils and have branched off into watercolors. My favorite paintings are birds done in oils, but I like flowers best in watercolors.

My true love is painting. I started out in oils and have branched off into watercolors. My favorite subjects are birds done in oils and flowers done in watercolors.

That's just a quibble, though. As a buyer I prefer the shop owner's 'real' voice and a relaxed, clear style. 

[sunsetpainter]

Thanks chap. That does sound better.

I appreciate all the responses.