kritter
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When we lose sight of how we treat animals, we tend to lose sight of our humanity
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Post by kritter on Aug 26, 2022 14:52:31 GMT
I’m saving a whole lot of money plus I like the location here way better than my house and he’s not home that much 🤣 When we talked yesterday, he had no idea I was so unhappy 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 things will improve but at some point he’ll get lazy again. Wash rinse and repeat. Life it too short for wash, rinse, and repeat. Pretty much sounds like why his previouus girlfriend finally left after 19 years or however long she stuck around.
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Post by denise15601 on Aug 26, 2022 14:57:51 GMT
I’m saving a whole lot of money plus I like the location here way better than my house and he’s not home that much 🤣 When we talked yesterday, he had no idea I was so unhappy 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 things will improve but at some point he’ll get lazy again. Wash rinse and repeat. Kind of like the "cycle of violence" with abusive spouses. But not nearly as bad.
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val2525
Chaos Manager
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Post by val2525 on Aug 26, 2022 15:29:50 GMT
I stuck with my last BF longer than I should have, because of financials reasons. Never again. For some reason, my office chair is suddenly popular. All 3 cats are taking turns sitting on it. Simon is so bad that if I put him on the floor, he's back up on the chair seat before I can sit down myself I have to make sure I don't sit on him.
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Post by labbypaws on Aug 26, 2022 15:55:07 GMT
Hubby and I are basically strangers who see each other on Saturday. He works long hours. We sometimes pass each other when he gets home from a job site and I am headed out the door for work. Once he gets home from an investigation, he has to write the report, answer calls and emails and set up his schedule for whatever. Right now he is booked through the middle of September but he did take a couple of vacation days.
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Post by blissfullymiserable on Aug 26, 2022 16:01:35 GMT
Kritter your mind is like an elephant 🤣 yeah, she was one tolerant woman. They even remained friends after the break up and even until he and I started dating. I met her a few times early on but he hasn’t heard for her for more than a few years. Her life had gotten a little complicated and chaotic.
For now I’m staying, no idea what the future holds. No one does I guess. I’m sure he’ll be on his utmost best behavior until the house is re rented. Got in touch with rental management guy. He said that he was in touch with them a few months ago and it sounded like they were going to move on. He’s left messages for them but they’re not calling back. I don’t care one way or the other. Looking forward to prettying up the back yard if they move out and jacking up the rent. Before they moved in the back yard was mostly dirt. Then I learned the wanted to bring their dog so at the last minute we dumped a whole bunch of rock back there. I hate it, the dirt looked better. Thinking pavers, fake grass, etc.
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,750
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Post by val2525 on Aug 26, 2022 16:54:23 GMT
My latest power bill came and it's dropped about $30 from the last bill - it's now more in line with what it should be for this time of year. Yay! I probably should have changed the AC filter a lot sooner I also asked the apt maintenance to clean out the water overflow drain or whatever it is.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 26, 2022 20:17:53 GMT
I’m saving a whole lot of money plus I like the location here way better than my house and he’s not home that much 🤣 When we talked yesterday, he had no idea I was so unhappy 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 things will improve but at some point he’ll get lazy again. Wash rinse and repeat. Life it too short for wash, rinse, and repeat. Pretty much sounds like why his previouus girlfriend finally left after 19 years or however long she stuck around. I'd rather live in a closet than in a wide house with an annoying man. But 'no expectations' might work, too - expectations are what set us up for unhappiness. It's cool and damp out as summer is winding down - we had almost 6 weeks of summer this year which is really good odds, and no fires!
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Post by blissfullymiserable on Aug 26, 2022 20:34:10 GMT
I think PART the probem here is he works around men all day every day, always has. We all know that they communicate SO MUCH differently than women. So he gets home still in work mode (work mode is 24/7 actually), tired and grumpy then wants to talk to me like the guys at work. Um no. That is not going to work. I really think he doesn't understand how to effectively communicate with women. What I find hilarious is that he thinks he's a wonderful communicator.. LOL!!!!! He would never win a boyfriend of the year award but he's not a bad person and he does own up to his flaws and will work on them or try to. He always slips up, no one is perfect. Even the best relationships are not easy.
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val2525
Chaos Manager
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Post by val2525 on Aug 26, 2022 21:13:50 GMT
I'm sooooooooooooo glad Simon is the only male in my life
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kritter
Mod Squad
When we lose sight of how we treat animals, we tend to lose sight of our humanity
Posts: 19,883
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Post by kritter on Aug 26, 2022 21:33:56 GMT
I really think you are trying to give him a pass for being a jerk to you.
This "doesn't know how to effectively communicate with women" is a tired cliche that seems to be thrown out to excuse a man's bad behavior.
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Post by blissfullymiserable on Aug 26, 2022 22:44:57 GMT
In a perfect world men would not be jerks but I don't know one that isn't a jerk in one form or another on a regular basis. I'm fighting for the house to be as jerk free as possible.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 26, 2022 23:17:08 GMT
Jerk free is good, but I've been around a LOT of men a lot, and don't believe in the 'can't communicate with women' thing, either- its like the Mars and Venus bull puckey that had a brief vogue. They communicate perfectly well. I think it's more that he's completely wrapped up in his work and basically everything else is secondary. This doesn't make him a jerk, but does make him unavailable.
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Post by blissfullymiserable on Aug 26, 2022 23:38:21 GMT
I know what you’re both saying but I think he’s an exception. He often says that men can talk crap to each other and 5 minutes later they’re over it and moved on with no hard feelings or grudges. He sometimes struggles to understand why women can’t be the same way. That’s just one example.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 27, 2022 0:14:35 GMT
Sometimes some men can be a bit like children with brief, lightening emotions - I guess when women talk crap, we mean it, though I've had men friends who have held grudges over something I said so long ago I can't even remember it and OMG, the drama is real. Once a friend of mine got into a fight in a grocery store parking lot because some random guy said something rude. A 55 year old man throwing punches with another guy his age and brawling in a danged parking lot! I asked him later couldn't he just tell the guy to F off? Ignore him? But no, his manhood was on the line. So he got all scraped up and I had to patch up his hand (he was on my bike racing team and it was hard for him to work the brake for days).
I get the contrasts and misunderstandings, and yes, the stereotypically male behaviour (whatever that is, seems to change with the situation) is supposed to be the default human behaviour but, um, no it isn't. We can try to give each other some slack.
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Post by denise15601 on Aug 27, 2022 0:20:53 GMT
Dragging up my past....my ex cheated on me for 24 years. He was very controlling, physically and mentally abusive and I put up with his crap. When I had my first daughter when I was 28, I had to quit work since I didn't make enough as a computer programmer to pay a sitter. I wanted to work second shift but exhole wouldn't watch his own daughter since he never wanted kids.
So then I was stuck with no income and had my second daughter 2 1/2 years later. That gave him free rein to really cheat on me. So I was totally miserable.
He was determined and always reminded me that if I divorced him, my daughters and I would be out on the street. But I took that chance and fortunately, since we had a rental property, my daughters and I got my house and 3/4 of the tons of bills that he racked up. But I gained my independence and freedom.
In comparison, a man who just won't communicate would be tons better. It could be so much worse. No men are perfect, like we are....LOL.
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kritter
Mod Squad
When we lose sight of how we treat animals, we tend to lose sight of our humanity
Posts: 19,883
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Post by kritter on Aug 27, 2022 0:46:33 GMT
Oh pleeeze, "he struggles to understand why women can't be the same way."? How could you keep from laughing in his face or do you actually buy into his crap.
He needs to struggle to get his act together and be more available to the woman that he is living with instead of making stupid excuses like those that are quoted above.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 27, 2022 3:03:23 GMT
Well, I've always thought that we can try to grok each other - I've asked my men friends before for the 'man's view' of something that confuses me, and they're really honest about it. They've asked me the same about the women's view and I've also tried to be honest - though I'm kind of androgynous in a lot of my thinking I have fellowship with other women. It actually comes down to a 'human view' with some socialization thrown, given we're all human but we are also subject to how we're raised, societal pressures. I'm pretty experienced with marriage, having been married twice and narrowly missing being married three times - it's nothing I view lightly as I'm just fine on my own, so it has to be better than what I can do on my own. I'll have to say that the DH and I together are greater than the sum of our parts - we're companions as well as marriage partners. Speaking of whicih, he came slogging home a bit ago from his last mountain ride of the season - he went up into the mountain passes where the sun was and did 90+ miles. Now he's in the bathroom treating his saddle sores. I have a butt like iron and am not subject to saddle sores, but he has my sympathy as I have had one once in a while He said he put in a faster time than he did two years ago - which proves what Tom Petty said "...if you don't slow down, you never get old." Meanwhile tomorrow I'm going on my little 30 mile putz-around ride with a social group lol - I've never been much for riding in the mountains unless it's off road, and part of my reason to ride on the road is social. We're riding from one beach across the lake to another beach and back. I found some Star Wars frig magnets from France that came out I suppose as freebies from Le Gaulois (chicken and the like) in about 2005 - "Jabbe le Hutt", "Comte Dooku", etc. They're pretty cool. I'm going to see if I can sell them.
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Post by denise15601 on Aug 27, 2022 13:18:37 GMT
After I kicked out my ex, I dated various guys for 15 years. Not one of them were marriage material. It took me 2 years of counseling at the women's shelter to understand how to spot the abusers and find my real self.
And I could see that in every guy that I dated. Not that I am perfect by all means, but guys my age strive to be controlling and lied a lot.
I tolerated a lot and called them out on the problems, but they reverted back to their original ways.
It comes down to the question..are you better off with or without him?
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Post by blissfullymiserable on Aug 27, 2022 14:18:17 GMT
Jerk free is good, but I've been around a LOT of men a lot, and don't believe in the 'can't communicate with women' thing, either- its like the Mars and Venus bull puckey that had a brief vogue. They communicate perfectly well. I think it's more that he's completely wrapped up in his work and basically everything else is secondary. This doesn't make him a jerk, but does make him unavailable. A voice or reason, unavailable is a good way to describe it. There is no cheating going on here. We went out to dinner last night and had a nice time. He had some blood work done and his choloestorol came back high so that's a big topic of conversation right now. He wants to get it correct with diet and making effort to be more active which should be a benefit for him in a lot of ways. Looks like throwing together a quick dinner might get a little more complicated or maybe not. I try to cook low calorie anyway so might just have to do a little twearking. Perhaps meal prepping too.
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Post by frakinfashion on Aug 27, 2022 18:44:48 GMT
I know what you’re both saying but I think he’s an exception. He often says that men can talk crap to each other and 5 minutes later they’re over it and moved on with no hard feelings or grudges. He sometimes struggles to understand why women can’t be the same way. That’s just one example. Men generally have very superficial relationships with other men so it's easier for them to get over things because they never cared much to begin with. The superficiality is a default defense mechanism that probably began in caveman times. Men (again generally) have fragile egos and, thus, defensively shield themselves.
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Post by frakinfashion on Aug 27, 2022 18:46:57 GMT
Oh pleeeze, "he struggles to understand why women can't be the same way."? How could you keep from laughing in his face or do you actually buy into his crap. He needs to struggle to get his act together and be more available to the woman that he is living with instead of making stupid excuses like those that are quoted above. "Oh, why can't a woman be more like a man?"--Henry Higgins
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val2525
Chaos Manager
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Post by val2525 on Aug 27, 2022 19:00:20 GMT
The apartment complex is having an end of summer resident pool party today. My building is by the pool. Fortunately I'm in the front of the building and not the pool side, but I still ended up listening to IHeartRadio on my smart TV to block out the bass coming from the pool area. The pool area is usually busy on the weekends normally, with music playing, but the regular music doesn't have the annoying thumping bass that the DJ is blasting. Thank goodness he'll be wrapping up in about a half hour I decided to goof off today, except for assembling my new office chair in a bit. I have to work tomorrow, and Monday & Tuesday will be really long days (tax deadline coming up). So I refuse to feel guilty about doing nothing today
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kritter
Mod Squad
When we lose sight of how we treat animals, we tend to lose sight of our humanity
Posts: 19,883
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Post by kritter on Aug 27, 2022 19:19:53 GMT
Today it came to the point that I have to vacuum with no further excuses acceptable. Have done the foster bedroom, Mia's bedroom, and now moving down the hall to my bedroom. Had to take a DDP break.
Angie and I are watching a 5 black kitten sage unfold on ND. Apparetly the momkat of these 5 week old kittens was hit by a car. As the story goes, a surrogate monkat has stepped in to nurse the kits. Much handwringing going on in regard about who can do what. Some guy says he will take them to a rescue if he can find him. HINT: The lady who lives there has them in a box in her backyard.
We are waiting to see if they throw our name out there into the mix. I can most likely make room for them somewhere but I need the handwringing neighbors to step up with some funds to cover their expenses as we are about tapped out from our spay/neuter assistance and our next fundraiser is not until the end of October. So, we are back in the bushes waiting to see how this plays out.
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Post by denise15601 on Aug 27, 2022 20:23:58 GMT
I finally mowed today since it was almost machete time. My poor tractor labored hard. And I just went out a weed-whacked for a bit, but that hurts worse than mowing. Will try to finish tomorrow.
Will have to get my daughter to put more gas in the tractor since heaven forbid that I lift a 2 gallon gas can.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 27, 2022 21:43:21 GMT
Your neighbours will probably step up if they have a suggestion of how much to contribute. When some bozo ploughed into our mailboxes and flattened them into the drainage ditch (it took three of us to haul that big bracket and all of those big boxes out of the nearly knee-deep water and mud), one of our neighbours arranged to have a handyman who was fixing some of our fences to look at it - he said he could build a very sturdy bracket out of the left over wood and some other bits for $350 cash. We agreed and he had the thing built by mid-day - it's like a rock and really well designed, and came in under estimate. The neighbour told us our contribs, we all gave her money and that was that.
Our ride was fun - there are two floating bridges that go across Lake Washington (big lake) and the second one finally got a bike/ped trail along it - it's really nice, wide, with view points (the bridge is over 3 miles long) and great views. Since they're working on one of the onramps, the car deck was closed but the bike/ped path was open - it was great riding along with no cars, people strolling, etc. It's already heavily used - Google and Microsoft are right at the other end opposite to Seattle, both places are really built up, and they have heavy bike/ped commuting coming from both companies now - employees ditched their cars ASAP because they only needed them to get across that danged bridge between home and work. It was cool and gray and had been raining earlier, which kept the mobs down!
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Post by denise15601 on Aug 27, 2022 23:54:28 GMT
If my neighbors would ask me why I have a back support wrap on, I would tell them about my back. Otherwise, I don't ask for help. I had asked my daughter to do the whacking but Jaxson has football practice every night.
So it won't be too much for her to put more gas into my mower.
I don't ask for much.
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val2525
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Post by val2525 on Aug 28, 2022 2:10:22 GMT
I think Chap was replying to Kritter's post about funds for spaying/neutering the stray kittens. But I could be wrong
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 28, 2022 4:42:25 GMT
If my neighbors would ask me why I have a back support wrap on, I would tell them about my back. Otherwise, I don't ask for help. I had asked my daughter to do the whacking but Jaxson has football practice every night. So it won't be too much for her to put more gas into my mower. I don't ask for much. denise15601 - yeah, I was talking about the concerned neighbours contributing to the kittens Kritter was talking about. And two gallons of liquid is actually not light - let her do it right now. You're already out there doing a lot of stuff right now.
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Post by 57roses on Aug 28, 2022 5:48:27 GMT
We spent a few days in Phoenix for sons eye appt and shopping-he sees a ped ophthalmologist for rx and to check eyes for any diabetic damage. We have missed the past few years due to covid so wanted to get it done. Anyway, while on our way, my sister called-she lives a block away from us. Major hail storm hit our town and did a lot of damage to houses and cars. After it was over she checked our house and one of our skylights broke, along with some shingle/roof damage. She has damage to her house and car and several friends have minor to major damage. Someone posted this photo taken from Jerome, the town above ours of when it hit.
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Post by chapeaunoir on Aug 28, 2022 7:25:57 GMT
I know what you’re both saying but I think he’s an exception. He often says that men can talk crap to each other and 5 minutes later they’re over it and moved on with no hard feelings or grudges. He sometimes struggles to understand why women can’t be the same way. That’s just one example. Men generally have very superficial relationships with other men so it's easier for them to get over things because they never cared much to begin with. The superficiality is a default defense mechanism that probably began in caveman times. Men (again generally) have fragile egos and, thus, defensively shield themselves. I think this is really true, because a depth of friendship requires an emotional investment and some amount of strength - unless it's under duress (active military service, for instance) or the guy is just emotionally evolved, there just isn't that encouragement. The men in my circle do tend to form deep, lasting friendships that go on for decades, which is nourishing for them, but then again, there are similar ruptures to what women may have - right now in my circle of friends there are three guys whom we do not, under any circumstances, mix with each other. So, when we all go out for dinner, if we want to invite one of them, we can't invite another. If we do, the other simply won't show up (his business, we'll often go out anyway because we're still friends with the one guy), but we try not to mix them. I swear to dog, we can't get any of the three to settle their differences - they have very strong personalities and, TBH, with one of them, it must have been something really bad because he's an easy-going guy. With the other guy, I can see it because he can be irritating. Ugh. Human beings lol! They've known one another for nearly 40 years!
But they'll all live long and well because they know how to connect with others, even if they sometimes fight. That part is really good.
I remember once my uncle arriving at a picnic we were having with his good friend who had flown out from Michigan to visit. They stood there, their arms around each other's shoulders, and my uncle said "We realised, we've been friends for 53 years." They BEAMED. My uncle's friend was a priest and he married my aunt and uncle, and then came out 25 years later for a renewal of vows - the two men were very close and often went out for long walks and talked about everything.
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