val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Jul 31, 2020 23:48:46 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 11, 2020 17:45:30 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 11, 2020 17:45:43 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 11, 2020 17:45:54 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 11, 2020 17:46:06 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 11, 2020 17:46:19 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 17, 2020 18:46:53 GMT
Hollywood Squares
Q . Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!) Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anyA. thing wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
Q. What should you call a group of dancers in a ballet?
A. Paul Lynde: Silly savages.
Q. In the Bible, who is Naomi’s faithful companion?
A. Paul Lynde: Tonto.
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 21, 2020 3:28:02 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 21, 2020 3:31:32 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 21, 2020 3:31:53 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Aug 23, 2020 21:31:45 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Sept 25, 2020 19:43:45 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Sept 28, 2020 17:13:22 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Oct 13, 2020 17:49:59 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Oct 23, 2020 18:53:27 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Oct 24, 2020 3:45:46 GMT
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Post by staytuned on Oct 31, 2020 11:04:31 GMT
I really need to read this thread more often. The "Hollywood Squares" post had me laughing so hard I was crying.
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 4, 2020 5:34:38 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 6, 2020 3:53:34 GMT
DH saw this pic and said "Now I have to watch Jaws!" So tonight we watched Jaws! lol
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 11, 2020 1:57:59 GMT
"This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw $10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than $100, please use the ATM.
The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if there is no further matter. There is a line of customers behind you”.
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds and handed her card back to the teller and said “please help me withdraw all the money I have.” The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her “you have $300,000 in your account but the bank doesn’t have that much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come back again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately. The teller told her any amount up to $3000. “Well please let me have $3000 now.” The teller kindly handed $3000 very friendly and with a smile to her.
The old lady put $10 in her purse and asked the teller to deposit $2990 back into her account.
The moral of this story is.... Don’t be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skill."
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Dec 11, 2020 2:48:50 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 14, 2020 18:03:53 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Dec 14, 2020 19:11:18 GMT
My dad once told me that the crust on sandwiches put hair on your chest. I told him I was a girl and why did I want hair on my chest? He had no reply. I think he just recycled the line from when he used it on my older brother
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 19, 2020 18:03:22 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Dec 19, 2020 18:32:38 GMT
LOL! I love it!
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 25, 2020 5:15:57 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 29, 2020 17:23:46 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 30, 2020 16:43:23 GMT
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val2525
Chaos Manager
Posts: 30,758
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Post by val2525 on Dec 30, 2020 17:07:17 GMT
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Post by sunsetpainter on Dec 30, 2020 17:41:59 GMT
I love Dave Barry!!!
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